Reflections on 'How to Win Friends & Influence People'

I had never read Dale Carnegie's book "How to Win Friends and Influence People", though I had heard of it and it's influence through the ages.  I was interested to see what all the praise was about and how it had not only survived, but thrived, this many years later as a great work for business and interpersonal relations.

I think it was said at the beginning of class that this book was not revolutionary in it's teachings, it is everyday things that most people just hadn't verbalized, or didn't remember in their interactions with others.  I really enjoyed reading the book and seeing how Carnegie wove the sections and Principles together in a way that was more like a gentle reminder of how to behave than instructing.  It reminded me throughout that many of these principles stemmed from having good manners and that too often I feel that these manners are forgotten by most people.

I have heard many of the principles taught in various ways through leadership classes that I manage, such as: Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.  I see this today in the skill of Active Listening that is taught.  Being open and interested in the other person, and not speaking or thinking to speak, while the other person is sharing their ideas or concerns.

Another Principle that I see in a slight variation is: Arose in the other person an eager want. When I was reading this section it brought to mind a variation of the Golden Rule, that is the Platinum Rule: Treat others as they want to be treated.  Several principles in this book had that running theme of know the other person and be courteous to them, or interested in them, or encouraging of them.  To be a good leader one of the most important things to remember, in my opinion, is that; it's not about you.

As I read these principles and reflected on if I was incorporating them in my life, I saw areas for improvement, as hopefully all leaders can see improvement in their actions and behaviors.  Some specific areas that I know I need to work on are:

Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.  I confess that I am terrible at remembering names, even after meeting someone more than once.  I have found the best way for me to remember someones name is to write it down right away.  Often if I have met with someone, I will send them a follow up email, just so I have an occasion to use their name.  When I don't have the opportunity to write a name down, I struggle to put the name to the face the next time we meet.  This reading reinforced to me how important it is to develop this skill.

Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers. I struggle with this principle in knowing how much of a seed to plant for an idea and how long to wait to poke at it to see if it is growing in someone else.  I am energized to try some of the suggestions and see if I can improve this skill, as it has benefits in work and home life! :)

Dramatize your ideas. This is hard for me, as my personality is all about facts and logic and I feel they should speak for themselves.  I know that the many different personalities like to recite information in different ways, and some like to have ideas that are sexy or intriguing presented to them.  I am hoping to work on this skill by partnering with others who have a flair for words and can help me translate boring ideas into a vision that others can follow or get excited about.

While these principles can be argued as manners, or common ideas, they are uncommon in action often.  A quote in the beginning of the book is a good reminder of why we should pick up this book every so often to re-read it and should tape the principles to our mirror;  "Only knowledge that is used sticks in your mind." (pg. XXV) To be a better leader, we have to take action on this knowledge we now have.