How to win friends and influence people

In reading How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, I found that many of the principles identified in the book were somewhat obvious or I could picture a good leader doing, but I found that I have a lot to work on to begin to include these principles in my own live and professional career. I’ve identified several strengths, weaknesses and takeaways below.

Strengths

The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

• I find that I do this fairly well, but probably more as a result of being non-confrontational. In group settings and professional environments, it bothers me when there is tension between people.

Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person

• In my professional career, I have found that I am quick to admit and point out my own faults, I think it shows initiative, self-awareness and self respect to point out your own mistakes. I have also found, that if you do it first, and call attention to it, it makes the other person more relaxed, because they don’t have to find a way to say it to you without hurting your feelings.

Ask questions instead of giving direct orders

• This is a more recent skill that I have developed. I have found that this can be particularly useful with supervisors. Instead of announcing how you are going to solve the problem, it is tactful to say: “Would you like me to do…” or “Do you think it’s appropriate for me to…” This softens the tone of the request and allows for the other person to make his/her own suggestion to the problem.

Weaknesses 

Give honest sincere appreciation

• I find it difficult to steer clear of canned responses when giving appreciation. I think I can improve upon this by identifying at least one specific item that that person did particularly well, and include that in my appreciation.

Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves

• After reading this book, I realize how much I talk about myself in conversation and it is really gnawing and becoming annoying to me. They say “people love to hear themselves talk”…but not after this book, this brings a whole new awareness and consciousness of how much we talk about ourselves. I plan to make a conscientious effort to direct conversation away from me and learn more about other people.

Let the other person feel that the idea is his/hers.

• I think this is an important skill that I would like to learn how to develop. I think it can be very powerful if used correctly, and I would like to explore more examples of how this is successfully done, so I may apply this in my own life and professional career.