My Leadership Story

Who I am as a leader and why?

I like to think of individuals as a book still being written, they have many chapters that have built their story, and you really can’t tell who they are just by looking at the cover.  The story of my leadership style has a lot of chapters, starting from when I was a kid and called ‘bossy’ to spending over 12 years in a career field that was all about training individuals to be better leaders and managers. 

  

Because of my experiences and training opportunities, I feel I have a fairly good handle on who I am, warts and all.  I know I tend to be introverted, I like details, for things to line up, I have a hard time seeing the big picture, and I tend to be more serious and have a hard time relaxing.  But I also know that I care deeply about those around me, strive to communicate as clearly as possible, and can put myself in someone else shoes to see their perspective.  All of those things together make me who I am and the leader I am. I think because of all the self-awareness training I have had, it makes it almost impossible for me to just see one perspective on any issue, so I am more willing to listen and empathize with others.  I do set high expectations for myself and I expect others to work to their potential, which is different from mine.  

Who do I want to be as a leader?

I know that part of personality style tends toward a perfectionist attitude, I have a deep need to be right, not to prove anyone else wrong, but because I don’t want to be wrong.  Usually I am more likely to back down from conflict, but when I do wade in, I want to know I have the right facts, and know all the information, and have a clear plan of how to argue my case.  I have realized over time, and this class, that this deep need to always have the right answer has limited my ability to see possibilities in new options and even to see and articulate an uncertain future.  How can I create a vision for others, when I can’t tell them exactly how to get there? 

I realize part of what I will always need to work on as a leader is creating the idea of the vision, and being ok with not knowing how exactly we are going to get there.  But as long as I am firm in my belief of that future vision or goal, and flexibility and open to possibilities, maybe the right way will present itself.  Dealing with ambiguity will always be a stressor for me, but how much it stresses me out is under my control. 

What will help me get there?

Even after 12 years of working in the training field and learning about leadership and management theory and tools, there is always something new to learn.  I believe that as long as I keep learning and keep seeking different perspectives, I think I will continue to evolve and grow.  I am already prone to self-reflection by being more introverted, but this class has made me think even more of the qualities I want to work on and strengthen.

It was reinforced to me during this class, and while I was struggling with some personal challenges, that self-talk can work.  It always seemed kind of silly to me to look in the mirror or whatever and give myself a pep-talk.  But I tried it when I was having a low point, and did feel better! I still think it will take some getting used to, and maybe I will start with some inspirational quotes I read everyday to see how it goes.  😊

What parts of this class changed and challenged me?

The workload of this class challenged me to juggle work, home and school life and tested my commitment to my goals.  There were numerous times when I felt I just couldn’t cope with all the stress and demands of all the juggling balls.  My husband was my biggest cheerleader during those times and reminded me of my goals.  By helping me focus on the big picture he challenged me to remember why I was here and that I was able to do this and more.  It gave me perspective that as a leader, some days the simplest things to one can seem like the tallest mountain to another. 

I was motivated and inspired by the Lincoln book and how Lincoln was able to find and leverage the best of those around him for the betterment of the country.  I marveled at his resolve and dedication to a task that some said was impossible.  Lincoln always had the single goal of a unified country in mind and was able to base all his decisions and direction from that single goal.  I hope to emulate his strengths in emotional intelligence, organizational mastery, and  ability to articulate a thought or vision in a way that not only was understandable, but that others rallied for and around.

This class reminded me of everything I already knew about people, and everything I don’t know about people.  People are such unique and weird creatures and each one brings their own strengths and weakness and baggage every day.  It is my job as a leader to identify those strengths and leverage them, minimize or lessen weaknesses, and manage and support others baggage.  I will strive to remember to give myself time for self-reflection and growth and to always strive to be a better leader and a better follower. 

Reflections on: Team Delicious Leadership

So far in almost every graduate level class I have taken, except 1 or 2, we have done the majority of the work in teams.  I am not sure why this is a trend in school now, I don't remember this much emphasis on team work when I got my under-graduate degree, but it seems to be the thing to do.  I hear it said it is because that is the way we will work in jobs, but I am not sure all jobs are like that.  While I do work with others in my office and work on some projects as a team, I don't do all my activity as a team, nor are we expected to, we still have individual roles and assignments and our performance is rated separately. So it was not unexpected to be on a team for this class, just a waiting game to see what kind of team it would be. 

Over the years I have taken a number of personality assessments and most of them rated me low on the team building scale, in that I preferred to work alone rather than on a team.  I always rejected this pronouncement and insisted that I enjoyed working on teams and always considered myself to be a good team player.  After starting on my journey to my MBA and having so many team experiences thrown at me, I realized all the assessments were right...I was not a good team player.   

I know many things about myself, some are; I am a little (ok, a lot) OCD, I like for things to be done right, and I don't suffer fools or incompetence well. I realized that these things that I know about myself are the main contributors to my aversion to teams, I have a hard time following some else's plan, I have to speak up when something is wrong, and if someone can't perform, I want to do it myself to make sure the job is done right.  

Given all those considerations, I was very happy to learn that we would be able to pick our own team for this class.  Of everyone in our group, Mike was the only new member to me, I have had class or been on a previous team with everyone else.  That gave me confidence that we would be a good team from a work product perspective, but I wasn't sure how all our personalities would mesh.  After our fist meeting together and working on our team formation activities, I realized I wouldn't have anything to worry about.  While we had some friction a couple times, it wasn't usually about us, but an idea or way of going forward.  Sometimes we had a communication mis-understanding, but that too usually was able to be resolved quickly and we moved on better understanding each other. 

I love Dr. Gower's first phrase she shared with us - PAW - people are weird.  I know people are weird and I think the best way to work with someone is to embrace their weirdness, because usually that is their strength.  So we shared our weirdness and embraced each others strengths, and relied on each other in our weaknesses, and grew as people.  From my perspective, the hardest part of working on this team was figuring out the logistics of meetings, as some team members had harder work schedules to meet.  But we overcame that challenge and were all dedicated to the group and the class, so the rest came easy.  I appreciate everything my team mates taught me about themselves, how to approach a problem a different way, and even about myself.  I  know my weirdness and OCD can be off-putting, but working in teams shows me the value I can bring and I know that it is ok to embrace that as well.  

I really enjoyed this group and the work we did in this class.  I hope as I continue on my journey at UMW or in life, I get to work with these fine folks again in some way. 

Volunteering for SKILLS USA

Our third and final volunteering experience came on Saturday, April 29, through a connection with Dan.  His wife works at Germanna CC and knew of this event and the need for volunteers and asked if we would be interested.  The task was to serve as judges for various categories of competitions that high school students would be presenting skills to us.

I was a little unclear of what the actual event was, even after visiting the website for the group, but was looking forward to helping however best I could.  On the day of the event we all met early at the college to help with setup and get our assigned rooms.  Ray and I were together with some other volunteer judges in an open skills demonstration.  After discussing the objectives with the 'chair' who was the more experienced person and turned out to be someone else who worked for the college, we were ready to go.

It was fascinating to me the types of skills the kids were coming to show, from criminal justice, to computer tech, to electrician and even a budding vet tech with her dog.  We were to evaluate them on presentation, platform skills, organization, and if we understood the skill and felt they did a good job presenting an entry level description of it.

I could tell these kids were nervous, but they all did a great job of presenting to a room of 6 adults and practicing some basic hands-on and interviewing type skills.  Because we were judging them, we were not able to provide any feedback to the kids, and I found that to be the hardest part.  For some of them, I just wanted to write a comment or feedback on the scoring sheet just to tell them one or two small things they could do to improve performance.  I saw a lot of potential in many of them and hope they will succeed in their chosen field.

After we were done with judging, we helped with clean up and getting the judging boxes organized and arranged for returned to the main organization.

I truly enjoyed this volunteer experience as it was the only one we did that we got to interact with the end user we were there to help.  It was a different view for me of the next generation, past all the bad stereotypes that you usually hear.  I look forward to what this group can do, and am happy to know there is an organization like SkillsUSA that is promoting technical skills to the next generation.

Volunteering for CYT

Our volunteering activity on April 15th was a connection through Mike, as his wife works with the non-profit CYT group.  It is a theater group in the area that works with kids from all different school districts to get them involved int he many joys of theater, set design and building, makeup, costume design, and of course, acting.  I had done some theater when I was in middle and high school, so I was looking forward to working on a project that had some familiarity.

Our job on this Saturday was to help the group break down stage sets from a recent production and save all the material we could for them to reuse to save money on expensive lumber.  We started with a large pile of jumbled lumber and set pieces and after the organizer, Andy, showed us around and got us started, we each jumped into the pile.  I enjoy working with my hands and power tools, so instead of jumping on the organizing part, which would be my usual task, I just did the deconstruction of the lumber.

I have to say, I really enjoyed seeing the big pile of lumber getting smaller with 5 of us working on various pieces and Sarah doing most of the hauling of the separate pieces to the stacks for storage.  It was tiring work and hot, but I was happy to help a group that fills a role that it sounded like the local schools didn't have any way to provide.

I think as a group we all worked well together and were able to tackle a large task efficiently in the time we had.  We also had fun, which to me, is something I don't always think of when I am working.  It is nice to be in a group that reminds me to have fun and we can find that balance of fun and work as well.

Reflections of Lincoln-Team of Rivals

I recently finished the Lincoln book, and while I know we are going to be talking it out and analyzing the details of the leadership qualities that Lincoln showed in his presidency, I wanted to take a minute to reflect back on some impressions I received and thoughts I had while reading the book.

I have never been a big Civil War buff, my dad and grandpa are, and when my parents lived in Fredericksburg my folks would go to battlefields and tours and dad would tell me all the interesting tidbits he picked up.  I nodded along politely, but it was too removed for me to get to invested in more than just some interesting history facts.  So when I learned we would have to read this very large book in a very short period of time, on a subject that at first glance didn't really seem to relate to the class topic, I was not thrilled.  I learned very quickly how wrong I was, on many counts.

To make efficient use of my time, I got an audio version of the book so I could listen while I commuted to work.  I quickly became so engrossed in the book that I would sit in the car a few extra minutes when I got to my destination just to finish a story or thought from the author.  I would laugh at the images that were created by the authors words, get saddened by the characters losses, and be fully outraged and aggravated on the Presidents' behalf from some slight or scheming done by his rivals. It made me laugh and depressed at the same time as I listened to the beginning of story as the author described the political climate of the day and the marches on Washington, and the outrage of the country and the radical change they felt was needed, and reflect on how 150+ years later, it resonated so deeply still with our current political climate.  With a few technology upgrades, Goodwin could have been describing the lead up and months of the 2016 election, right down to the backlash against immigrants.

I was fascinated by the description of the rivals and marveled at Goodwin's' research and depth of information on each of them.  Her descriptive style and evocative phrases painted a vivid picture in my mind of the men, the times, and the personality of each.  When the Civil War started and the Battle of Bull run was described, it made me want to drive to Manassas to walk the battlefield and contemplate the mistakes and missed opportunities.  The same was true for all the battles in places I have driven past, but never took the time to really see.

I told my dad about the book, he had already read it of course, but I shared my fascination and how the author made me feel like it just happened and my desire to see these places now so close to me. When I told him I was ready to strangle Chase and kick him back to OH he laughed and agreed. I marveled with him how Lincolns ideas were changed over time and how that made made him such a powerful leader that he was then able to change a counties collective mind.

Though I knew how the story must end, everyone knows, it was heart-wrenching to hear of Lincoln's assassination and how his once bitter rivals mourned him.  I couldn't help but think of all the good he could have done, had he lived and finished his term.  What would the present have been like, if Lincoln had been able to bring the South back into the Union in his way?  How much more progress would have been made in bringing the people together if he had been around and his genius with people and understanding and compassion been available to heal the wounds of war?

Lincolns' true genius was not his vision of what could be, but of how he made that vision a reality and why he wanted to.  He truly felt that all men were equal and deserved to be treated as such.  He felt that each person brought value and strengths and was humble enough to want the best for his nation, to include bringing all those strengths into his cabinet to be the best for everyone, though he had to work harder to manage their differences.  His self-mastery and ability to understand what motivates different people and therefore utilize that so they came around to his way of thinking was both subtle and powerful.  It was more than charisma, more than likability, Lincoln had a true fascination and caring for each person.  I wondered, as the book drew to a close, if perhaps he was a bit of an empath, for the level of emotional intelligence he was able to use is not seen in many.

While I am not sure this book will turn me into a Civil War nut like my dad, it definitely brought history alive and presented the challenges of political life and how to be a true leader.  I think we should all strive to have more leadership qualities that Lincoln showed; compassion towards everyone, restraint when in the face of anger or insult, patience and thoughtfulness before decisions, and a resolute determination to do the right thing with no wavering of your path. It made me think of the leader I want to be, where I can appreciate, value and seek those with different opinions, because it is ultimately better for the collective.  I will strive to remember compassion towards everyone, and to value and truly listen to anyone who has something to share, because of the value they feel from being listened to.  I love how Lincoln used stories to make his meaning clear and I want to develop that skill, so I don't come across as blunt but rather can convey and nudge my listener in a subtle way that they may not even realize.  So a book that I was skeptical of for a leadership class, imparted the best leadership lessons to me, all in a way that was subtle and fascinating.  :)

Volunteer work at UMW Multicultural Fair

My experience at the UMW multicultural fair was close to what I expected of these types of events; we got up early, everyone was ready to go, then we have to wait for someone in charge to tell us what to do and where.  

While we were given an initial assignment, and the folks organizing it seemed to have a good idea of what was going on, there were still periods of waiting, and looking for direction or opportunities to be useful.  For this group of highly motivated folks, in the absence of leadership, we all jumped in when needed.  Our initial assignment of setting up tables and chairs in one specific area was hampered by delays of supplies.  As a group, I think we used this time well to discuss the books we are reading for the class, upcoming assignments, and just in general getting to know each other better and bond more as a team.  Once the materials got there, we sprang into action and worked efficiently to get everything set up. 

When our initial assignment was done, we looked to make ourselves useful by going to the next big setup and helping.  When we ran into more classmates, we definitely had a lot more personalities and leaders to work with!  I think everyone worked well together, but in my opinion, we could have used at least one UMW person who knew the plan!  But we didn't let that get in the way, and by unstructured leadership, figured out a layout of tables and chairs that would meet the needs of the intended goal. 

It was a good day, and I had fun getting out and helping at a fun community event.  I think best of all, the Delicious Leadership team got to know each other better and learn each others individual strengths so at our next volunteer event we will make an even stronger team.  

Reflections on 'How to Win Friends & Influence People'

I had never read Dale Carnegie's book "How to Win Friends and Influence People", though I had heard of it and it's influence through the ages.  I was interested to see what all the praise was about and how it had not only survived, but thrived, this many years later as a great work for business and interpersonal relations.

I think it was said at the beginning of class that this book was not revolutionary in it's teachings, it is everyday things that most people just hadn't verbalized, or didn't remember in their interactions with others.  I really enjoyed reading the book and seeing how Carnegie wove the sections and Principles together in a way that was more like a gentle reminder of how to behave than instructing.  It reminded me throughout that many of these principles stemmed from having good manners and that too often I feel that these manners are forgotten by most people.

I have heard many of the principles taught in various ways through leadership classes that I manage, such as: Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.  I see this today in the skill of Active Listening that is taught.  Being open and interested in the other person, and not speaking or thinking to speak, while the other person is sharing their ideas or concerns.

Another Principle that I see in a slight variation is: Arose in the other person an eager want. When I was reading this section it brought to mind a variation of the Golden Rule, that is the Platinum Rule: Treat others as they want to be treated.  Several principles in this book had that running theme of know the other person and be courteous to them, or interested in them, or encouraging of them.  To be a good leader one of the most important things to remember, in my opinion, is that; it's not about you.

As I read these principles and reflected on if I was incorporating them in my life, I saw areas for improvement, as hopefully all leaders can see improvement in their actions and behaviors.  Some specific areas that I know I need to work on are:

Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.  I confess that I am terrible at remembering names, even after meeting someone more than once.  I have found the best way for me to remember someones name is to write it down right away.  Often if I have met with someone, I will send them a follow up email, just so I have an occasion to use their name.  When I don't have the opportunity to write a name down, I struggle to put the name to the face the next time we meet.  This reading reinforced to me how important it is to develop this skill.

Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers. I struggle with this principle in knowing how much of a seed to plant for an idea and how long to wait to poke at it to see if it is growing in someone else.  I am energized to try some of the suggestions and see if I can improve this skill, as it has benefits in work and home life! :)

Dramatize your ideas. This is hard for me, as my personality is all about facts and logic and I feel they should speak for themselves.  I know that the many different personalities like to recite information in different ways, and some like to have ideas that are sexy or intriguing presented to them.  I am hoping to work on this skill by partnering with others who have a flair for words and can help me translate boring ideas into a vision that others can follow or get excited about.

While these principles can be argued as manners, or common ideas, they are uncommon in action often.  A quote in the beginning of the book is a good reminder of why we should pick up this book every so often to re-read it and should tape the principles to our mirror;  "Only knowledge that is used sticks in your mind." (pg. XXV) To be a better leader, we have to take action on this knowledge we now have.