My Leadership Story

Who I am as a leader and why?

I like to think of individuals as a book still being written, they have many chapters that have built their story, and you really can’t tell who they are just by looking at the cover.  The story of my leadership style has a lot of chapters, starting from when I was a kid and called ‘bossy’ to spending over 12 years in a career field that was all about training individuals to be better leaders and managers. 

  

Because of my experiences and training opportunities, I feel I have a fairly good handle on who I am, warts and all.  I know I tend to be introverted, I like details, for things to line up, I have a hard time seeing the big picture, and I tend to be more serious and have a hard time relaxing.  But I also know that I care deeply about those around me, strive to communicate as clearly as possible, and can put myself in someone else shoes to see their perspective.  All of those things together make me who I am and the leader I am. I think because of all the self-awareness training I have had, it makes it almost impossible for me to just see one perspective on any issue, so I am more willing to listen and empathize with others.  I do set high expectations for myself and I expect others to work to their potential, which is different from mine.  

Who do I want to be as a leader?

I know that part of personality style tends toward a perfectionist attitude, I have a deep need to be right, not to prove anyone else wrong, but because I don’t want to be wrong.  Usually I am more likely to back down from conflict, but when I do wade in, I want to know I have the right facts, and know all the information, and have a clear plan of how to argue my case.  I have realized over time, and this class, that this deep need to always have the right answer has limited my ability to see possibilities in new options and even to see and articulate an uncertain future.  How can I create a vision for others, when I can’t tell them exactly how to get there? 

I realize part of what I will always need to work on as a leader is creating the idea of the vision, and being ok with not knowing how exactly we are going to get there.  But as long as I am firm in my belief of that future vision or goal, and flexibility and open to possibilities, maybe the right way will present itself.  Dealing with ambiguity will always be a stressor for me, but how much it stresses me out is under my control. 

What will help me get there?

Even after 12 years of working in the training field and learning about leadership and management theory and tools, there is always something new to learn.  I believe that as long as I keep learning and keep seeking different perspectives, I think I will continue to evolve and grow.  I am already prone to self-reflection by being more introverted, but this class has made me think even more of the qualities I want to work on and strengthen.

It was reinforced to me during this class, and while I was struggling with some personal challenges, that self-talk can work.  It always seemed kind of silly to me to look in the mirror or whatever and give myself a pep-talk.  But I tried it when I was having a low point, and did feel better! I still think it will take some getting used to, and maybe I will start with some inspirational quotes I read everyday to see how it goes.  😊

What parts of this class changed and challenged me?

The workload of this class challenged me to juggle work, home and school life and tested my commitment to my goals.  There were numerous times when I felt I just couldn’t cope with all the stress and demands of all the juggling balls.  My husband was my biggest cheerleader during those times and reminded me of my goals.  By helping me focus on the big picture he challenged me to remember why I was here and that I was able to do this and more.  It gave me perspective that as a leader, some days the simplest things to one can seem like the tallest mountain to another. 

I was motivated and inspired by the Lincoln book and how Lincoln was able to find and leverage the best of those around him for the betterment of the country.  I marveled at his resolve and dedication to a task that some said was impossible.  Lincoln always had the single goal of a unified country in mind and was able to base all his decisions and direction from that single goal.  I hope to emulate his strengths in emotional intelligence, organizational mastery, and  ability to articulate a thought or vision in a way that not only was understandable, but that others rallied for and around.

This class reminded me of everything I already knew about people, and everything I don’t know about people.  People are such unique and weird creatures and each one brings their own strengths and weakness and baggage every day.  It is my job as a leader to identify those strengths and leverage them, minimize or lessen weaknesses, and manage and support others baggage.  I will strive to remember to give myself time for self-reflection and growth and to always strive to be a better leader and a better follower.